-- Just a day --

Still staying up at this time, 3 a.m. As usual, sleeping late, had instant noodle after 11.30p.m. Seems like a habit, and doesn't sound like a pleasant one.

Well, today's 28 June. No more 27~

Birthday? Sounds like just an ordinary day to me. As usual, no celebration, no present, but there's still plain greetings. That's enough. Perhaps, more than enough for me. Woke up 10.30 yesterday, went out and get something. Slept again after getting home. Skipped lunch, woke up on 3.

Went out for dinner with mom a little earlier since there wasn't lunch. We passed by the shop, and she asked me if I want any cake. I said "no".

Wasn't feeling good for one that moment. Well, every year there hasn't been any celebration. It seems a little odd if there IS celebration. I think I'm used to being alone. Just wanted to be alone, and wanted nobody to be in the house. Just me~ Didn't purposely ask for friends to hang out. They're tired after the school activity, and I didn't mind it, at all. Not feeling anything.

Was feeling bland, as often and usual. Didn't even have an actual dinner with my family yesterday. Was rushing to a full dress rehearsal of the 7.11 performance. People greeted me when they know it's my birthday. Paid back with a smile from me. That's all. Seemed like there wasn't any reason to be cheerful, nor be sorrowful of course. Was just, normal, bland...

Got a present though, before going back to home. And, mom asked if I was happy getting a present. And I said "It's normal, not too happy, just normal..." Well, it's just a normal day after all~ Sat in front of the desktop.... tick... tock... It's after 12, no more 27 it is... Another day just gone by~ Or somehow drifted by~ Well, you see... Time flows, and the future, it'll crawl nearer... Listening to the country, and in the brain others' no entry~ Well~ watch as the day unfold~ It's another day~

Hhmmm... Turning 18? What's the difference? Doesn't feel any difference occurring... No unique feelings, no special thought, and when people ask what I wished for, since everyone wishes on their birthday. But, I didn't, couldn't even tell what's the wish on my mind. Just simply joke it over~ Well, all these years, I've learnt to be a crybaby a little more often, sometimes being cruel, not afraid of the dark anymore, sometimes even fiercer.... Used to being alone, but still afraid of coldness... However, those feelings are fading, those old and fancy ones. Not just into thin air, but into the dynamic cosmo.... Those special ones.... Well, 18, a new starting point, guess I'll have to grab myself a painter, and paint my feelings back again~ It's on my hand now....

Used to being alone, still. Sometimes alone doesn't really mean lonely. There isn't an equal sign to it. Maybe I'm thinking this way coz I'm used to it... Using an afternoon just to sit or lie on a bed or a sofa, hear no one's voice, sight no one's shadow, just me and myself and the little cozy noon~ The motivation wasn't there, not anymore.... Wasn't much feeling to hang out or whatever... Just wanna stay put thinking nothingness... And that little "Sunday afternoon" is still my favourite~ At the end, the day's just tied together with a smile : ] Not a wide one though, just an ordinary one~

*ÐЯÈΛΜ ☆ come true ★·*

Yesterday was a long day. The scholarship interview was yesterday morning, and the "Kiki's Birthday" Party was noon. Couldn't actually sleep well the previous night. Woke up at 6 in the morning. Got prepared and went for the interview. Knowing that there wouldn't be traffic jams, coz I got the power of Daimoku. And deeply I believed that there won't be jams.

Arrived. Firstly asked to sign at the paper, and that hand was shaking while holding the pen. Couldn't really sign for that moment, but paused for a second or two. And, signed at last. Sat, waited. Finally, interview started. Gliding myself to the room, with sweat on my hands. Trying to be calm. But didn't really manage to calm down. A little shivering and nervous for the first time. What an odd interview it was. I've said things I shouldn't have, and didn't say things i should.

"Does your father has a fixed income?" he asked. "Yea". But actually he doesn't have a fixed income, and income is based on commission.
"How old is your father?" another enquired. I said "55". "55?", "Err... no no sorry, he's 62.", "He's 62 and hasn't retire yet? Wow, still so strong.", "Haha, yea."
"What are you doing lately?". "Well, I'm not doing anything.", "You're not doing anything? Then you show no determination for me as you're just sitting and waiting for things to happen."......

Soon, ended. Walked out the room, and got drastically calmed in just half a second. Hands stopped sweating. Passed by students eating, didn't even dare to look at them since I was wearing normal high school white shirt with long sleeves, my "old time" prefect pants, and a tie... They must be thinking that my outfit is odd... Haha... Got the lift, met my parents and went to the parking lot. Mom: "How's the interview?" Me: "It was ok."

Got in the car, got out the parking lot. And a thought swifted by. "Wait, what did I say? My dad's 62? But He's just 54! What was I doing? What was I saying? And, what? By saying I wasn't doing anything, my intention is to show that I'm not working nor studying. I didn't mean by doing nothing AT ALL! Forgot to mention about Soka activities and meetings I attend almost everyday." A regretful thought, but stopped by my concious mind saying I shouldn't regret what I did. But that was odd, my brain's confused around number 5 and 6... Couldn't recall what I should say. Oh, feeling that trouble's clouding above....

Got home, laid on bed, and got a peaceful moment to bury the regrets and nervousness. Didn't think much. Got online, and saw Joe on MSN. Told him about that as he's the first one to know about that. Not even my parents, not wanting them to worry bout it.
Jack: I said things I shudnt and din say things i shud! Oh My God!
Joe : What did u say?
Jack: They asked my father's age and I said "55, err no no sorry, he's 62" then they said "wah ur father so old still not retired ah?" then I said "hehe yea..." But then my father's only 54!
Joe : Wow, that's a big trouble...
Jack: God!
Joe : God bless u...
------Meanwhile-------

Called Karen up and asked if we could both go to Jusco a little earlier for Keith's present. And I'd really need to talk to her bout that. Disaster... She came along with a big wide smile, which made me couldn't really resist to smile back. And I told her about it, and we laughed about it. Then shopped for Keith's birthday and, ring ring the hand phone goes~ Hello?
"Hello? Is this Leong Vvvei Kittt? Congrrrrratttttulationss, vvve havvve awvvarded you the MAPCU scholarshhip" (with that odd Indian slang she talked)
"Okay, Thank you!"

Turned over, and "Ahh!! Karen! I Got IT!! I got the scholarship!!" She was the first to know I got it. She smiled, and she was happy for me. : ) Didn't really think I could get it since there's trouble clouding up~ Haha~ Got down and met Jolene, Yean Yi, and Keith. The first thing Jolene asked was "How was it!?" She's even more serious then I was. And so, I told her about it, and they were all so happy for me. I saw their expressions, and I told myself, these are my good old real friends.
: ) They're truly happy for me. (PS: Mun Horng was busy talking to other girls and so, he wasn't there to hear the news. Forgot to let him know after that.) And, gave the present to Keith. He was even happier~ Haha.... He didn't think of getting presents. We ate, we talked, we chat~ We laughed, we sang, we celebrated~

----Outta the McD, shopped for a while----
Suddenly, saw a person that looks like Joe, a guy in black. And, oh yep that's Joe. Approached him, and the first he said was, again related to the scholarship. "How are you? How was it?"
Surprisingly, well at least a surprise to him. I told him I got it. And he was also very happy for me. Felt like I've never seen him so happy for such a long time. : ) And I was happy for that moment not because of my scholarship but to see my friends to be so happy.
Saw Zoey (had a feeling I will see her in Jusco before this), talked, saw Rachel, Sze Jing, talked and bla bla bla... Went for ice-creams~ And bye~

Got home, again. Standing at the front door. "Dad, mom.... I GOT IT!!!!! AAAHHHH!!!!" Dad was smiling and so happy, whereas mom couldn't believe it! Amazed!

Again, laid on the bed, and think. My good old friends. They're truly happy for me. And I hope they'll stay happy in their lives too. These, are true friends. I'll love them forever~

Well, too bad other friends couldn't be there. Like Mei Xian, May Kei, Vain, Man Yee, and Lyn Huei, and Dear Ling Li, and Baby Siew Ling, and Amal, Azra, Nani, and okay lah Kavin I count u in as well... Haha and Mr Muky! ^ ^ and god I could make a list of friends here... XD and bla bla bla...(sorry if I didn't mention about u, but thanks for being my friend^ ^) I'm so grateful~ : )
Oh oh! And Lyn Huei (a friend of mine who applied the same scholarship as I but different college) I heard that she's got hers too!! Yay! Sounds like a double victory and double happiness to me~ Yay!! XD

And I need to thank Esmin, my neighbour, just like my sister, and also Edmund, friend known thru Soka. Both Interior Designers, both inspired me, helped me, taught me a thing or two. Both soka member, and both names start with "E". Both are my role model~ I always thought that, could I be like Esmin or like Edmund someday in the future? But with my faith I know I could! Haha... And thanks to my dear cousins too~ ^ ^ they're also Interior Designers~ Thanks mom for asking me to try out this scholarship, thanks dad for picking us up and down the traffic. Thanks my friends that worried for me and supported me. Thanks Keh Chong, thanks Gohonzon. Thanks everyone! : )

(PS, I'll keep on chanting, that I could attend all the Soka activities and meetings during my study. I don't wanna miss even one!)

This is just a beginning, a path I chose, and I'll do my best! It's my dream come true. This is where my faith brought me~

Fading star...

A few days ago, the staff from Taylor's College called. She told me that I was shortlisted, and asked me to come for the interview next Thursday. At first, I was happy, glad, and delighted. But the joyful atmosphere was soon broken by worries.

Turned nervous, and freaked out! This could be my last chance. I must do my best! Maybe this is it, it means a lot to me and thus, I'm so concern about it. That is why I was so worried.

Met an old friend, talked, and found out that she, too, applied the same scholarship as I did. She went for interview few days ago, and I asked her about it. She said that I should just be myself, and stay natural. Well, it's nice to know that, she's grown up a little more. She used to be the kind of nervous person, and tended to worry more. And now, she's confident of herself.

What about me? I used to be confident, and worry nothing. I used to get thru anything fine. What's happening to me? I'm noticing that, I, myself, is somehow, changing. More like evolving though. Freaky. My patience aren't as before. My temper. My behaviour. I'm, turning into someone else.... I don't feel like me...

For once, I learned to be happy. I've been happier, in fact, the happiest I could ever be. But the older I grow, the more time has numbed my heart and energy. I think I've lost an energy under my possession. I'm starting to feel tired... I don't know if I will have the energy to walk or even simply smile... I've learned to happy, but why am I crying more often now? Tears, the only friend that understands me...

I might over-worried this, but, this is clearly another symptom! I don't worry, well, used to, and now I'm doing it! Am I just feeling something different? Am I going thru a phase? Am I growing? Or am I fading? I'm starting to miss myself... And this doesn't sounds good...

In my life, I feel everything, every little tiny subtle object, atmosphere, anything~ I feel everything and like to feel it. I am happy that I can have all this feelings, they're special. These feelings are sensitive. And I hope I'm just feeling another subtle object, and not evolving... This is just not familiar...

But now, I must tell myself to stand straight. I must be calm, and be confident. Ever since I left school, I started feeling myself as another person. But now, I must summon myself, back to the original. Shouldn't never let the pirated version get me! Haha! I must stay natural~ I'm a happy elf~ : )

I guess no matter how exhausted we are with life, or when you feel like a worn-out leather, we should at least smile, and keep moving forward. Tears would tell great stories, in fact, magnificent stories. Tears that accompany us walking our lives could never be neglected. But we shouldn't forget smiling too.

Life's a malicious, cunning old witch that's trying to steal our spirit. We should never forget ourselves. No matter what things could be, we must remember ourselves for who we are~ Never lost ourselves~

This fading star will someday shine with great hopes and dreams~

Sad of being sad....

Let's see, where should I begin?
Looking back at the steps he has taken, well, it's, again, empty.

I think I should begin with a heart. A heart, that has no companion. A heart that walked this long road of infinity. This, is a heart full of facilities, but, with no citizen. An untouched, forest.

Or should I begin with, him? He, will be the owner of this heart. Til now, he walked, with this heart. Along his journey, he faced challenges, problems. Kept striving, of course, in order to survive. However, this heart, being burnt by fire, hindered by wind from moving forward, bathed by frosty rains. This heart, stretched, and struggling to stay solid. Never being stopped, nor being modified. Never a scar could be seen. Being tough and firm, it has gone through these, alone. Keeping his head held high, though none understands him. Nevertheless, never being understood. He should take partial responsible, that he could have misled people, from understanding him. Yet, he refuse for explanations. Off he goes, the journey so long.

Life may not turned out the way he wanted, indeed. Knowing that there are no perfection in an imperfect world, but requiring everything to be as good as possible as a necessity. Yet again, wasn't understood. Life, never change though. However, it's decision, that changes.

All his way, he came along just by himself. There wasn't a companion. Often, thought that he would go, alone too. That seems to be certain. Til today, he walked...

Endured, tolerated, and persisted. Staying adamant, and stiff. Being naive. And what else? Til today, he walked... He endured... For so much that has been said and has been done, he seemed to be getting nothing. After all has ended, emptiness is what to crawled in. Empty~ That is all, and that is it.... empty..... What on earth could that mean? Nothing? Or just plainly, empty.... And for what that has NOT been happening, what else could he do? Is he lost? He might not even know who he was... Not to say what powers he may possess. What creature is this?

Though there are days of failing, or being soft. He did not want to endure anymore. No more to him. Its scar, never seen, but abruptly emerged now. And, it's melting... All these time, he has been going through highs and lows, physically, together, however, that never was the citizen in that particular space. He sat down, and, cried... When was the last time he cried? For so much has been done and so much have happened. He was being adamant enough for the last moment. But, hope to be true of his sadness now. He never wanted be sad in front of others, as he wanted others to be happy, and not to worry about him.

Thinking about what he has, what he had, and what he might have. By comparing, to the worse of course, he should never be sad nor cry. But, he would like be to be sad and cry. That is, at least, what he could do, and what he wanted to do. For at least that moment, he could, somehow, take a rest from his journey. Still, there wasn't any shoulder for tears. Even being sad, he's alone....

Gloomy? Depressing? Miserable? Poignant? No. There souldn't be fancy words for this emotion. It is just, sad~ That is the only word known, to be true enough, sad~ Or an international sign of sadness... : (

Left 4 Dead 2! ✖✖

Warning: The following information may contain violence, horrifying, disgusting, and INTERESTING content. 18SG

Ladies and gents~ May I have your attention please! Have you played Left 4 Dead [the 1st]? If you haven't you should. Because, the 2nd one is gonna be releasing!! This fun, real, 3D, bloody, and interesting game, is sure gonna be a big hit! It ain't gonna be the same as the 1st, but with tonnes of new stuff!





What's new? If ya ask me, well, new survivors, new campaigns, of course. But that's not all! Ya'll are gonna get NEW weapons! NEW zombies! And! Much bigger than the 1st one!

Talking about weapons, while I was playing Left 4 Dead [the 1st], I dreamed that I could cut and slice zombies by saws, chainsaws, and etc. I really dreamed that! And guess what!? In the Left 4 Dead 2! Ya'll get to chop and slice them for real! It's my dream come true!! The melee weapons include chainsaw, axe, and guess what, even frying pan is in! Sounds fun and yummy!

Well, zombies zombies~ Isn't it a little bored killing the same old zombie fellas? Well, in Left 4 Dead 2, ya'll not only meet ya good old zombie friends, but new ones too! Such as the charger, a big-armed zombie that could punch u up the sky. And wandering witch! They do wander around during daytime! And yes! There is! Day and night! It's all under ya control~ Day or night~ Even weather! Jeez, I wonder if they could make it snow~? Anyway, The game's hardness may differ everytime u play it. If you're a good player, the game would change itself. How? Ermm.. Let's see, routes might be closed, or blocked, you might have to climb over and what-so-ever~ If you're not really a gamer, the game may go easy on u~ So, u wouldn't know what's ahead of ya~ Sounds fun!? ^ ^ It'd be different everytime u play it~ Maybe u'll see a maze this time, and maybe not next time~

Oh ya, before I forget, except melee weapons, u'll get some new guns too~ But, well I prefer chainsaw and axe! : ) During the final, u're required to "fight your way thru", and not like the 1st one, for "just stand there and wait for RESCUE"! Ya'll have to run, climb, fight, kill, crawl, and what-so-ever to be saved. Oh and there'll be hordes too, and another addition for the lovely wandering witch, she might appear during ur worst time fighting a horde! You would only realise her existence when it's too late~ And for the cars~ Don't worry, they'll have their alarms too, and even more! Let's see, every car might have its own alarm, so, don't worry, you could attract a horde anytime anywhere where there's a car~

Here's the trailer~ Look at those adorable zombies~ Can't wait to CHOP OFF THEIR HEADS!!


Fun!? Nah! Of course I know that's not enough to satisfy ya guys, here's a gameplay! Watch it!


When is it coming out? Hhmm.... some said end of this year... But some said it's the 17th of November 2009~ Aww Can't wait for their heads being CHOPPED OFF!!! ^ ^ Stay tuned for more~ Thanks for watching~ Thanks for ya support~
: )

P.S.: Ma friends don't even know a calm and peaceful person like me would LOVE CHOPPING ZOMBIES HEAD OFF!! roar!...

Falvours of life~

Life. How can it be described as in just one word? It's so enormous, surrounding massive objects, both living and non-living. It's everything, I guess.

Life is so special that it has its flavours. Not just a single flavour, but more than you could ever imagine. The very first moment we step foot on this place, our lesson begins. From the beginning, we learn about calling our parents "father" and "mother". During early childhood, we make friends with almost any people, we just don't have any evil motive, we're so innocence. That's a sweet moment. At least everyone was true.

Up to the primary, we learn more in school and life. We often fell on the ground, and cry. But, we learnt not to cry and stand up again. Our purpose was just to have fun during primary. Up, up again to secondary, where life became a little more serious. Friends again, some closer, some further apart. And even some evil motive started constructing. Crush, first love, might be so sweet that people could forget about almost any other thing. Ended, and life may seem bitter. Higher secondary, it's the final exam that crawls nearer. Some, too tensed to even think about eating. Some, know the way of relaxing. And some, don't even care about any stupid exam papers. Graduated, some may think they're free, some may think it's another beginning point of life. Courage, curiosity, future.

College, and again, graduated. Getting into the society. Working, pressure, deadlines, money. Met the love of your life, get married, build up a family. Taking care of children, hoping someday they could grow up and be successful. Parents leaving, saying goodbye, and finally, ourselves leaving, missing the others. Sweet, bitter, sour, salty, bittersweet, spicy, these flavours aren't enough to just describe life. Life is more than that.

Many might wonder what's the purpose of living if we're all gonna die. What for coming here while we're leaving soon? Well, I think life is like a special occasion.

Some chose to live life with plain simplicity. Some asking for perfections in an imperfect world. Some doing good deeds, some bad. Some being intelligent, some teaching others to be intelligent. Some constructing, some eradicating. Some begging to live, some don't even wanna exist. Well, I think that we are all here not just for fun, but we could make a difference in the world, getting good use of the knowledge we gained. Life, is dead, it's just life, and it's up to us to choose how we would wanna live. Likewise, knowledge, is dead, it's us, human, who choose to use it on good, or evil. Some invent bombs, some invent medicine. It's all human.

Human itself, is a great knowledge. We should learn ourselves. Learning human, and knowing human. Human beings are often blinded with self emotion, greed, and selfishness. But when we calm down and think again, isn't there a better choice?

Life is short, too short to be wasted. People don't stay for long, everyone would be going someday. Well, we knew that, but, doesn't seem like people are cherishing. War, politics, conquer, unfairness, what's all these? By looking at the wounds on our world, if everyone knew that we wouldn't be possible to live on earth, anymore. Then what's all these? We come to the world empty-handed. Similarly, we take away nothing while we go. It's a pity these people never tasted the flavours of life. There's so much more we could get in life~