Hey Grey Eyes~

2nd May 2009

She came to our house a few days ago. Aunt called and said she couldn’t walk due to the muscle pain. We were all wondering, it must have been the cancer cells that spread to her bones. And so, she came out to the city for some check-ups.

I woke up early that day, and accompanied her to the hospital. She could barely walk and can only be transported with a wheel chair. I pushed her to the check-ups, she’s so light. Her weight reminded me of how old she is. She’s not young anymore, her body is so small that I could even carry her by my own. The nurse first drained a little amount of her blood to run some tests. I told her not to look at the needle while the nurse was gently pushing it into her capillaries, so that she wouldn’t feel any pain. Indeed, she didn’t, but, I did. Looking at the needle being pushed into
her capillaries, there was a sudden rush of tears.

Coming up, the X-ray test. We waited for so long, and the air conditioner was rather chilly. Lucky I reminded her to bring her jacket, but I didn’t. I just wore a shirt with long sleeves, but it was not enough, I was nearly frozen. We awaited for hours, and finally, it’s our turn. The doctor got both the X-ray result and the blood tests result. According to the doctor, she’s just lacking of Potassium. None of her bones are broken, it’s all fine. There’s nothing to do with the cancer cells, for now. She was avoiding bananas which contain high level of Potassium due to the cough back then.

That explained her Potassium level in her blood. We were relieved while we heard that. She had to stay in the hospital for 2 more hours so that she could get herself some Potassium and to raise her Potassium level back to normal, hopefully.

I went to lunch with uncle and aunt. However, that was more than a lunch. I granted myself with a timeout after all the waiting and worrying. While we went back to the hospital for her, she looks fine. I saw the other patient (also an old lady), looks rather awful. Apparently, more awful than her. That old lady couldn’t speak well, couldn’t move well. I found that a dreadful moment looking at her. In the same time, I thank god that my old lady still looks fine. She looks energetic and could still talk, everything seemed well. After 20 minutes of waiting (again), the doctor finally came. She explained that her level of Potassium has been raised to normal. We were, once again, relieved. The doctor said that she could go home for now, and she require her to take pills of Potassium each day. And then we waited (again) at the pharmacy counter.

While waiting, I talked to her and explained briefly about what the doctor’s said. When I look into her grey eyes, I saw her pain. The pain is not only from her bone, but her life. She had worked too hard bring her children up. Her poor life had somehow, tortured her. I saw how hard her life has been. She gave her best to her children and nothing left for herself. She hasn’t seen the other parts of the world with her eyes, she hasn’t done a lot of things. Her grey eyes, were so unique that only she has them. I knew these eyes. They were once blue, while I was still little. Now they were grey.
I don’t really know if they were once blue, or has it always been grey. From her eyes, I saw her worries. She’s worried about what’s happening to her, and that she wouldn’t want to leave us. Again, there was a sudden rush of tears in my eyes. I felt so helpless to her and there seemed to be someone in my heart blaming me. I wished I could cry, but not in front of her of course. I must never be weak in front of her. She needs our support.

I thank god for giving me such a grandma. I thank her for being my grandma. And I’m glad to be her grandson. Grandma, you are a good person, I’ll pray for you and I love you. I’ll never forget your grey eyes. They are a gift I would keep in my heart. ~~~